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Sam: How the hell did you get to the top, anyway?
Count Nefarious Vile, known to most simply as Count Vile, is the main antagonist of the Press Start universe. He is extremely powerful, but comically insecure and somewhat incompetent. His powers and appearance may be inspired in part by Ganondorf from The Legend of Zelda. He is portrayed by Peter Davis.
Press Start Adventures: Season 1
Vile grabs a beaker with a red liquid and holds it over his head.
Vile's first appearance is in Poker, Mon. It is poker night at his lair and all of his friends are coming over. Vile orders his assistant, Johnson, to provide him and his friends with Kool-Aid. The first ones to arrive at the lair are Vlad and King Reptillor. The last one to arrive is Captain Psychodrive, who brings the deck that the group will be playing with. Psychodrive realizes too late that he accidentally grabbed his kid's Jackamo deck by mistake. Vile complains that he could never understand the "ultra complex rules of this stupid game", but he is later playing the game against Reptillor. Reptillor is winning and Vile is a sore loser. He presses a hidden button on the table that drops a Thwomp on top of Reptillor.
In Pac-Manic Depression, Vile is talking with Vlad on the phone when Johnson arrives, covered in blood and gashes. He tells Vile that a creature they have never seen before is roaming the catacombs, and has eaten several of their best men. This catches Vile's personal attention, and he himself seeks the creature. Upon observing it chase down and devour one of his minions, he claims it is magnificent, that it is pure manevolence, and it is one of the darkest monstrosities to roam this realm, but the sound it makes is annoying, so he intends to get rid of it. For this, he summons four spirits from the darkest pits of oblivion (albeit, quite colourful) to dispose of it. Upon starting the chase, they're immediatly devoured, provoking Vile to exclaim "Oh, son of a bi-" before the end of the episode.
Vile does not actually have a big part in Symphony of the Trite, but he is on the phone with Vlad again. Just before Vlad is "killed" by Trenton Belfast, Vile calls the vampire and asks, "Is it dead yet?", to which Vlad replies, "No. He's taking forever." Once Vlad is defeated, his castle disappears, only to reappear fifteen minutes later. At this point, Vlad calls Vile again and resumes their previous conversation.
In Statue of Limitations, Vile is having a statue built in his honor. Plumber Pete and Buzz Porcupine arrive to defeat Vile once and for all, but the Count mistakenly assumes that they are there to remodel the statue. Pete and Buzz go along with this in an attempt to try and kill Vile, but nothing they try works. Johnson sees a wanted poster and tries to warn Vile that the "remodelers" are actually part of the Resistance , but Vile is not listening. Johnson eventually draws a picture of the statue with comments like "Vile is stoopid" and shows it to his master, claiming that "They made these adjustments to your blueprints." Vile is overcome with rage and viciously attacks Pete and Buzz, sending them back to Resistance HQ through the warp pipe they came from.
In Endgame, Part 1, Vile is so angry that the Dark Mages gave the Oracle to Sam and Trenton that he kills the Mages' leader. After ordering the extermination of the entire colony of Dark Mages, Vile decides to appoint a new general. Johnson tells him that applicants are lined up outside the door. Vile passes over candidates such as Commander Crawfish and Robo-Buzz, but becomes interested in a white-haired swordsman named Scarthcaroth. The Count asks Johnson what Scarthcaroth's story is. Johnson tries to explain it, but then admits that "nobody really understands it, but they all think he's pretty cool." Vile agrees and orders Scarthcaroth to be sent in. After a short interview in which Scarthcaroth doesn't say anything and Vile keeps mispronouncing the swordsman's name, the Count asks Scarthcaroth to slay a low-grade enemy in the corner of the room. Scarthcaroth does so with a devastating attack that destroys the solar system and deals 9999 damage. Vile is very impressed and appoints Scarthcaroth as his new general. Johnson informs Vile that the Peeved Cloud Armada has succeeded in finding Resistance HQ. Excited at this news, Vile orders Scartcaroth to lead his army into battle against the Resistance.
In Pac-Manifold, Vile sees the new tech console that was just installed and complains about how the buttons aren't labeled, only for a flock of Chomp-Babies to scatter. Upon seeing this, Vile inquires as to why Johnson had told him they had neutralized Chomp-Man. Johnson tells him they had it under control until “the other one” showed up. According to the Kryptozoolgists, the markings of a bow-shaped crest and a beauty spot suggested a female, and they bred "like homicidal rabbits". The catacombs were sealed, but the smaller ones must be escaping and making their way up. Upon making his way to the catacombs, he sees it has become overrun with Chomp-Men. Upon exchanging suggestions, Vile decides to remove the amazing navigation they have of the maze, replacing half with a bunch of garbage (similar to the legendary 256 screen of Pac-Man) and sends the spirits after them again. However, a Chomp-Man grows to the point of getting jammed between the roof and floor, with which the force causes the top half of the mountain the base is under to collapse and cover the entrance, yet again provoking Vile to exclaim "Son of a bi-" before the end of the episode.
In F-Xerox, Vile learns that Scarthcaroth was killed in the battle at Resistance HQ and decides to put out a want ad for a new general. He draws a blueprint and tells Johnson to make six billion copies, which shall then be distributed across the empire. After an annoying ordeal with missing toner, Johnson finally manages to make six billion copies. He carries them back to Vile’s throne room, only to be told that Vile just finished drawing their new mission statement and requires copies to be made.
Vile: Johnson! Another auto dealer failed to replace the tank! Fire up the death ray and target Rash Road’s Rental Service & Dealership!
In Dog of War, Vile calls Dr. Pete’s office to make an appointment for his dog, Rover. The canine has worms, but on the outside. Vile has tried to remove the worms, but they are “quite aggressive”. The worms are armed to the teeth with hand grenades, bazookas, battle axes, and “these itsy-bitsy little barnyard animals that are really quite amazing”. Dr. Pete asks what breed Rover is. Vile says Rover is a Hellhound that had three heads, but is now down to two. He then says that the worms have been fighting on Rover for about twenty minutes. Dr. Pete says that the best thing for Vile to do is to wait out the battle, but to take cover immediately if he sees any tiny bouncing bananas.
In Twisted Mental, Vile calls Rash Road’s Rental Service & Dealership hoping to replace a tank. Vile says the tank he’s looking to replace was very special, being found by a small boy chasing his pet amphibian down a hole. The man Vile is speaking to, Slamtastic Turbo Ted Jackson, assumes Vile was the small boy, but Vile claims that he was the one who killed the boy and stole his tank, being sure to kill the pet first so he could see the boy cry for a bit. Vile then becomes much more specific on the details of the tank: spring-loaded wheels, a plasma cannon, able to drive up walls and on ceilings, hover in midair, fire homing missiles and lightning bolts, and “those missiles that split into three missiles”. Finally, Vile reveals what exactly happened to the tank: Johnson told him not to drive on spikes and he did it anyway. The tank exploded “most violently”. Slamtastic Turbo Ted Jackson doubts the dealership has that exact make and model, but offers Vile reasonable other vehicles. Vile turns them all down, then orders Johnson to fire the death ray at Rash Road’s Rental Service & Dealership because they failed to replace the tank. When Slamtastic Turbo Ted Jackson says that they’re both still on the phone, Vile claims to like to listen to the explosion.
In Track & Failed, Vile calls the customer service hotline for Crazy Feline Controls & Devices. After becoming increasingly annoyed by three different automated voices, Vile is finally put through to a real being named Tanya. Vile’s complaint is that the exercise pad he ordered from the catalog is “most unreliable”. The pad registers his footfalls as he’s running in place and he’s received very high scores in his cardiovascular readout, but finds that to be incongruent with how much healthier he’s become. Tanya asks him if he’s using the pad as instructed or if he’s getting down on his knees and slapping the sensors with his hands. When Vile asks what difference it makes, Tanya says that the latter is considered cheating. Vile claims he will require a full refund, to which Tanya replies that the pad is not broken; Vile’s just not using it correctly. Suddenly, the pad explodes and Johnson becomes engulfed in flames. Tanya says that this does qualify Vile for a refund, but defective products is another department. Vile is put on hold while Johnson screams from being on fire. Vile tells him to be patient.